Afraid of Pie Pumpkin
You'll Need:
- 1 pumpkin (one that is slightly larger than a human head is a great choice)
- Carving and Gutting Tools: jigsaw, steak knife, big metal spoon
Note: Power tools are optional. - Dry erase marker
- 1 pie crust in tin
- Other pumpkin pie ingredients, such as sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, sweetened condensed milk, nutmeg, cinnamon, and don’t forget the whipped cream (Since most people don’t actually know what’s in pumpkin pie, you need only a few ingredients to get the idea across.)
- Glow sticks or spotlight
- Cut open and Gut your pumpkin.
- Draw a frightened face on the pumpkin. When pumpkins get scared, their eyes get big and their mouth opens in a funny shape (with the ends turned downward). Carve the face with the eyes looking down and to the side, where your pie ingredients will be.
- Place all of the ingredients in the pie crust and Position it in the line of sight of the poor pumpkin.
- Illuminate the pumpkin using glow sticks or a spotlight.
- Have a good chuckle at what you’ve just created. That pumpkin sure looks scared!
Carrie Pumpkin
You'll Need:
- 1 tall pumpkin (1 to 1 ½ times the size of a human head)
- Dry erase marker
- Carving and Gutting Tools: jigsaw, steak knife, big metal spoon
Note: Power tools are optional. - Tiara
- 1 aluminum foil pie plate
- 1 recipe fake blood (see box below)
- glue
- Draw a despondent face on the pumpkin with a huge wailing mouth. Try to imagine the expression you would make if your classmates elected you prom queen (or king) and then dumped buckets of pig’s blood over your head.
- Carve the face and Gut the pumpkin through the mouth. Clean the rough edges. Save a few pumpkin seeds for tears.
- Crown the pumpkin with a tiara, Set in a pie plate, and Drizzle with fake blood.
- Glue the reserved pumpkin seeds on the pumpkin seeds on the pumpkin’s cheek so they look like teardrops. How sad is that?
Full-Diaper Pumpkin
You'll Need:
- 1 long, narrow pumpkin (or butternut squash)
- Pumpkin guts (from just 1 pumpkin will do, but 2 or 3 pumpkins’ worth works the best)
- Carving and Gutting Tools: jigsaw, steak knife, big metal spoon
Note: Power tools are optional. - Dry erase marker
- A diaper
- Doll arms and legs
- glue
- Cut open your pumpkin at the bottom of its back and Gut it, saving all the goop you pull out.
- On the top half of the front of your pumpkin, Draw and then Carve a crying-baby face. Babies have big eyes, little round nostrils, and no more than a couple of teeth. Babies cry…a lot. Oh, man, do babies cry a lot. Make sure your Full-Diaper Pumpkin has a big, crying mouth.
- Place your newborn wonder someplace fun, like the bassinet or dinner table.
- Fill the diaper with lots of pumpkin guts.
- Find a crafty way to Attach the diaper to the back of the pumpkin. I used duct tape. A staple gun would probably work too, but stapling a diaper to a baby is wrong on many levels.
- Glue the doll arms and legs to the sides of the pumpkin. Helpfully Inform your wife that something smells funny.
Problem Child Pumpkin
You'll Need:
- 1 tall pumpkin
- Carving and Gutting Tools: jigsaw, steak knife, big metal spoon
Note: Power tools are optional. - Dry erase marker
- Clothes for your Problem Child: a pair of old gloves, kids’ shoes, kids’ pants
- Scissors
- Drill
- 8 to 12 screws (any kind will do- it’s just a pumpkin!)
- 3 pieces of 1x1-inch or 2 x 2-inch scrap wood that are 14 to 24 inches (35 to 60 cm) long
- old newspaper
- Glue of some kind (I use a hot-melt glue gun)
- A pumpkin-carving knife or some other comical weapon, real or other-wise
- Cut open and Gut your pumpkin from the top.
- Draw and then Carve an angry-kid face into the pumpkin. When drawing the mouth, consider leaving some gaps between the teeth.
- Have your pumpkin try on the pants, and if they are too small for the base of your pumpkin, use the scissors to Cut a slit in the back of the waistband, so that the opening is large enough. If they are too large, just keep folding over the waistband until the pants are snug around the pumpkin.
- Attach the newly fitted pants to the base of your jack-o’-lantern by Drilling the screws through the waistband and into the pumpkin. Put the first screw in front and center, then proceed around the pumpkin form both the right and the left, working your way to the back. This way, any excess material will end up hidden at the back of the pumpkin.
- Cut two of the pieces of wood to the same length, about 4 inches (10 cm) longer than you want the legs to be. With a saw, Sharpen one end of each piece of wood, then put them into the pant legs and Shove the sharp ends into the pumpkin.
- Stuff the gloves with newspaper to make them look like hands. Glue the comical weapon to the glove, or use more than one item and glue them to both gloves.
- Attach the gloves to either side of the pumpkin by Drilling two screws through the base of the wrist of each glove and into the pumpkin.
- Put the shoes on the ground and Place the wooden "legs" in them. Be Grateful this Problem Child is only a pumpkin.
